Chapter 6: What Price Justice? The Tale of the Lawyers

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So far in this our tale of fighting the injustice in extreme,

We see the lawyers promise, as they weave a hopeful dream.

They talk about their fights for justice ‘till they are so very blue,

But when you call to them for help, you’ll find the fees will fast accrue!

Typical lawyer counting his cash. 

You’re faced with voices oh-so-smooth, just like a silken thread,

Who tell you proudly, oh-so-loudly of the battles they have led;

But this, dear friends, is just a clever bit of propaganda,

For what they’ll never say is just how many they’ve abandoned!

So when you are in need of help against a mighty foe,

An adversary flush with cash, who lies and makes a show;

You tell the lawyers, “Now’s the time to prove of what you’re made,”

But then the shining truth comes out, and their intentions fade.

They tell you when they advertise or speak in the abstract,

That those who face injustice and have had their jobs attacked,

Won’t have to pay a dime at all unless the lawyers win,

But this is all mendacity just said to lure you in.

The fact, you see, is most of those admitted to the bar,

Aren’t there for justice, but for cash to buy a fancy car!

For all their talk of ethics in a setting so genteel,

Doth mask the underlying plot: how they can legally steal!

Their fees are astronomical, and they loom just like a wall,

A barrier to justice, that is unless you have the wherewithal.

“Contingency is what you said;” “Not here!” they swiftly say,

“Pay upfront, for we don’t care…else find another way.”

Now one quick thing we have to say before we mosey on,

Is that there are some decent lawyers that some come upon,

Who truly fight for justice and don’t bleed your bank forlorn,

But these, I fear, are very rare, just like a unicorn.

The lawyer clan’s not shy, they’re very proud of what they do,

And this we see in what they charge to clients old and new;

The bill they send is staggering more often than it’s not,

For they must make the payment on the Rolls Royce they just bought!

The lawyers, though professionals, are paid just by the hour,

But this can give the wrong idea, that later turns quite sour;

For you will see from early on that hourly’s not better,

When you receive the invoice, well, it’s clearly no love letter!

One tiny hour of their time, you’d think would not be high,

A price most fair that would not give your wallet a black eye;

But the lawyers’ favorite sound, you know by now, it goes “ka-ching,”

For they charge enough to pay a handsome ransom for a King.

Their rate per hour is so high, it’s hard to comprehend,

For it’s the same as minimum wage, but for a week on end;

Comparing to professionals and others highly paid,

The lawyers get an hour what in a day they made.

So we must ask who do these lawyers think they truly are?

As if their legal merit makes them quite a superstar.

They strut like peacocks, oh-so-proud of what they claim,

Yet in the end, it’s not for justice, it is just a money game.

Their polished suits and ties are nice and make them look so cool,

But they’re just there to get the cash to buy a swimming pool.

What happened to the law and to the noble fight for rights?

Their only care is for the money, they are simply parasites.

But for a moment let’s imagine that the lawyers truly care,

And truth and justice aren’t just masks for them to wear,

And those who have been wronged, who shout their righteous pleas,

Are met with help that really counts, not ever-mount fees.

Yet in the world so real, the truth is masked in lies,

The lawyers are not champions, but wolves dressed in disguise,

Their clients come with hope to seek an ally in a fight,

For justice and for fairness, and to set the wrongs to right.

Typical lawyer with mound of cash on desk.

The lawyers often want to help, but only hear the sound,

Of coins and dollars on their desk, piled up into a mound,

For billable hours, they love to stack up as if they were bricks,

Each hour more that passes puts theirs clients in a fix.

And lawyers, we should know by now, have got a lot of tricks,

For fleecing wallets of their clients; it is worse than politics!

It’s like a blood transfusion for a greedy old vampire,

They suck the money from their clients ‘till the situation’s dire!

It seems that money to a lawyer keeps them living just like blood,

Without it they must think they’d die, and turn back into mud;

And so their every waking hour is aimed at getting money,

No matter what it does to others – oh, it really isn’t funny.

So in the dreadful fight most right against the mighty U,

The Brave Little Lecturer sought help to see the matter through.

He asked the lawyers for some help to balance up the scales,

And gave to them the brutal story with the full details.

Now here we have to pause to add that he was not naïve,

He knew the lawyers were a lot that often liked to reave.

And there's a legal term we call the rate that lawyer's charge,

It's called extortion, first degree, by criminals at large.

But in his fight against the U, the power balance was askew,

And so the Lecturer decided that no path he would eschew;

And even though attorneys make him really feel quite sick,

For kicks and grins he thought he might just use a legal stick.

So anyway returning to the story of our hero,

The University did hope that he’d be left with zero,

But he was not a fool; at righteous war he was so skilled,

To stop attorneys in their tracks, the Lecturer was thrilled.

The Lecturer so brave and true had quite the cunning plan,

He’d best the University and thwart the lawyer clan,

He knew just how to do the job, for he had studied well,

He’d send the evil forces of the U straight down to hell.

Before he did that then did come his greatest trick of all,

Advancing on the forces of the U to make them fall,

He flipped the line of battle and then marched in double time,

The lawyers greed he did defeat, they did not get a dime!

The lawyers cried profusely, as they stood right there in shock,

They babbled incoherently, they couldn’t even talk;

They thought that they controlled the game and could not be defeated,

For they had rigged it for themselves, they really were conceited.

The Lecturer, he knew the secret of just what to do,

He walked away with all his cash, and left them there to stew;

“We won’t be able to afford our fourth house and third pool,”

The lawyers said in anger once they knew they were the fool.

The Brave Little Lecturer keeps the
lawyers from stealing his money.

One lawyer said that he had planned to buy a new Mercedes,

Until the Lecturer so brave did send the plan to Hades.

The lawyers cursed the Lecturer with words we cannot say,

For they expect in every case that they will get their way.

The Brave Little Lecturer showed, with truly mighty style,

The way to beat the lawyers’ game in manner versatile,

For lawyers and the law should be to serve those with a need,

But not exploit their misery to get so rich indeed!

So once again triumphantly the trumpet we must sound,

And wave the banners, glorious, high up above the ground,

The sword of truth we raise on high, the cannon fire loud,

And sound the thunder in salute of victory most proud.

But as a knight, the Lecturer so valiant and so brave,

Knows very well that in this war, there’ll be another wave;

What’s more, he knows to be complacent is a big mistake,

Especially when fighting evil like Nokloo or Sneaky Snake.

And so the Brave Little Lecturer, with all his forces massed,

Is busy drawing up the map, he’s ready to move fast;

Now in that battle we shall tell just how it will conclude,

The Sneaky Snake and all the rest will royally be screwed!